Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
[x]

deviantART

 




Father

Viewed through a fragmented pane;
A town torn by an angel’s deep melody,
Penetrating the air; a tune more beautiful
Than a freshly picked rose. Tears flowed,
Cracking the discomfort, moulded inside of me.
Riven by the strain reverberating about the town.

From the door I watched and wept,
Lashes shimmering, tear streaked cheeks,
Tail lights; advanced to pinpricks; then away.
Nothing left except frayed fragile nerves,
An extirpated heart; left in the wreck
By a man of education and religion,
He left his eminence in a world where he cannot be.

At the last trial he failed, forced to carry,
All the branches of his kingdom.
Just as one had done before, he fell.
Everything to clear my cognisance failed,
Pictures continued to appear, as if from nowhere,
Images of a man and a train, flashed into sight;
All it took was a moment, and they were gone,
But nothing could rid them from my crown.

Memories became important from that day,
Everything I faced I heard in a brazen shout.
Treasuring the entirety of all that I did,
Appreciating my life, freedom invested by him.

Watched by ancient prophecies,
Pleasant homilies, chased across the valley,
Danced through the hillside temple.
Fires in the grate and games by the eternal flame.
Lost. In a ghost town, ripped, betrayed.
Pillaged by deeds, completed by one.
Materialised grief, a memento mori,
For all who worshipped at his side.

©2005-2006 Tim Peacock
©2006-2009 ~timmyjp
:icontimmyjp:

Author's Comments

I wrote this a while back, it's been edited many times but I'm finally happy about it. Right from the beginning this was up-close and personal to me, but as I explored it more and more each time it was edited it really did become the most emotional piece I've ever written.

It's been posted on several songwriting/poetry forums before and has recieved on the whole fantastic comments and critiques. I ask you to leave a comment and I encourage you to point out anything you think should be changed.

I wrote this about my dad. He committed suicide about one and a half years ago, since then I have changed a lot, this piece expresses my mixed emotions and feelings about the event.

Thanks for reading,
Tim


Featured here: [link] :)

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconjustanotherdude:
Very deep tim i love it and you know i do

--
Well, I’ve been afraid of changing cause i’ve built my life around you...But time makes you bolder, even children get older... obsession takenover the strength i once had
:iconjustanotherrockchick:
i really lyke it....it obviously comes straight from your heart and its amazin hunni...must've been hard to write*hugs*
luff
deb
xoxox

--
<3
We Are Young.
Heartache To Heartache,
We Stand.
Love Is A Battlefield...
<3
:iconhobbelf:
Hey Tim,

I've read this at several of the editing stages, and it's been great at all of them, but this really is amazing, definitely worth all the editing! it hits me everytime I read it, just so deep and meaningful! It shows so much, without blatently stating things, just really, really, great!

*huge hug*
:iconviris:
This is really, really awesome.
I can't imagine it being more heartfelt or personal than it is, such a strong emotion.

The small comment I do have to make is with the word 'discomfort' in the first stanza. It works well, but I think that it might be a slight understatement, y'know? Still, that is me being a picky bitch, ignore at will ;)

Keep the writing going, i look forward to it.

Ish
xxxxxx

--
"Ten years before, she would have been considered pretty; now, with lines around her mouth and the stain of persistent dissapointment in her eyes, she was almost beautiful."

from "The Dumb House" - John Burnside
:icontimmyjp:
Thanks Ishy, I'll have a little look at that, see if there is something that I can change it to without having to re-write the stanza (already re-written it about 20 times!)

Thanks again,

Timmy P
xxxxxxx
:iconchowding:
beautiful, a favourite for definite, and such a hard memory, brilliantly written, *hug* lol

--
BOOOOOOOOOOOBIES
:iconbaltoblack:
That is a really amazing piece of work. xx
:iconbaltoblack:
That is a really amazing piece of work. xx

Sarah x
:icontimmyjp:
Thanks Sarah :)

Means a lot

xxxx

Details

February 13, 2006
1.7 KB
496 KB
1728×2304

Statistics

13
6 [who?]
160 (0 today)
7 (0 today)

Site Map